


I just wanna be your baby sometimes too.

by kettlingurkrazy



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkward Crush, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crushes, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, High School, Humor, Jennifer Lawrence - Freeform, Love, Music, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Salty Reader, Secret Crush, So yeah, Social Awkwardness, Swearing, True Love, and by 'help' i mean 'kill', angst too eventually? maybe??, being a teen sucks you guys, but it'll be over soon, grammar is actually good, he's fucking insane tbh, honestly i don't know what's going to happen so come along for the ride!!, hopefully, insecure reader, it's basically just me throwing a ton of insults at you guys, jennifer lopez - Freeform, just..., lol, low-key anxiety, probably, probably doesn't even make sense, reader is a big nerd, references to all seasons, relatable reader, shy reader, someone please help me, stan darsh, tons of horrible references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kettlingurkrazy/pseuds/kettlingurkrazy
Summary: So this fic isn'tentirelygoing to be crack, because I can't just leave Kyle hanging like that, but... I mean... it's a South Park fic. What did you expect.AND NATALYA, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, FUCK OFF. I DO THIS FOR MY OWN AMUSEMENT, DON'T TAKE AWAY MY INCH OF PRIVACY PLEASE. PLEEEEEEASE DON'T READ IT. -Sincerely, your amazing girlfriend





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm hoping this fic will go on for a couple more chapters, and I'll try and update fairly regularly. I PROMISE I won't just leave y'all hanging, though. I fucking hate that. Anywho, happy summer and enjoy!

You stare at him from across the classroom. God, how you admire him. His strong will. His morals. His smarts. His heart-fluttering looks, with that boyish grin. His quirks. His many talents. You wonder how anyone could ever be so perfect, so... irresistible. You could watch him all day. His curly red hair just peeking out from under his signature green hat makes you feel warm inside. His cute freckles spattered evenly across his slightly red-tinted cheeks make you sigh under your breath. His noticeable height change that occurred over the summer makes you want, _need_ to get closer. You are desperate to feel his sturdy chest against your... well... less sturdy one. He had come so very far since you had first met him, back in the fourth grade. You sigh, almost giving in to your heavy eyelids struggling to keep staring, the deceleration of your heartbeat, the warming of your cheeks, the soft lull of "(Y/n)... (Y/n)..."

"(Y/N)!"

You jumped in your chair, your almost hypnotic trance drawing to a sharp and frantic close."Y-yes, Mr. Garrison." _God, why did this dumbass douchebag of a teacher have to follow your class into high school? Why couldn't he have just continued to fuck up America and stay out of your life?_

"Let me repeat my question, Ms. (L/n)." _Oh god, don't get all formal on me, Mr. Garrison. Not my_ fucking _last name._ You roll your eyes, but thankfully Mr. Garrison pays you no attention. "On her 14th birthday, did Jennifer Lawrence receive a donkey or an alpaca, and from whom?" _The fuck kind of question even is that? Both answers are wrong, but I guess I'll just choose randomly..._

Cartman loudly whispering to Kenny about Jennifer _Lopez_ instead of Lawrence certainly didn't help, either, especially with the addition of a new, most brilliant song to add to her new album. Her shrill voice was truly heavenly. Haha.

"Uhm, was it an alpaca from her uncle?"

"Why, _no,_ Ms. (L/n), but close. It was a llama from her long-lost second cousin's wife from her father's side. Better hit up those books again tonight, (Y/n)."

Wendy, your best friend, speaks up in your defense. "Mr. Garrison, that question isn't even really fair. For staters, that answer was wrong; she received a tabby from her mother. Another thing, you can't find these answers anywhere in a _Chemistry_ textbook. And lastly, why does this matter, Mr. Garrison?"

"Well, Wendy, since you asked, it matters because I, former President of the glorious United States of this goddamn pussy shithole, am attempting to get Jennifer into the upcoming election. We are making history, students. Class is dismissed."

"Thank fucking god." You mutter to Wendy, and she nods dramatically with a dead look on her face. You walk out together, heading to your lockers. They are conveniently placed next to each other, which is purely a coincidence and definitely not the author trying to make things easier on herself, because otherwise she would need to study a map of the school and time out how long it would take to get from one locker to the other. It _definitely_ wasn't that.

Once you arrived at your locker, you noticed Stan lingering near the doors behind you, the ones that you and Wendy usually exit through. You realize he probably wants to wants to walk Wendy home, and you groan under your breath as you turn around to grab you coat out of your locker. Wendy looked at you out of the corner of her eye, "What's up with the groan? Everything alright?" You slam your locker and turn to her. "Yeah, man, I'm just kinda frustrated today. Also, Stan's waiting for you, and I don't want to be a third wheel or anything."

"Dude, don't worry about it, you won't be a third wheel! Stan's cool, he won't leave you out." 

"Yeah, right. This has happened before, Wendy, and every time it ends up with me walking behind you two as Stan tries to make out with you. That doesn't really sound like an ideal afternoon, if you ask me."

"Oh, come on, just give it one more try and I'll never nag you about it again. Besides, I haven't had the chance to talk to you all day. I promise, I'll try to keep things under control." She looks at you with big eyes. "Pleeeeeease?"

"... No--"

"PLEASE?"

"Ugh, fine. But you know I hate you, right?"

"Awww, you're the best friend I could ever have, (Y/n)!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just go." You both turn around and begin to walk towards the doors. "Hey, Stan, what's up?"

"Nothing much, man. What's going on?"

"Oh, you know, just getting dragged along by you and Wendy. The usual. Thanks for asking, though."

He chuckles, and goes over to greet Wendy with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, Stan! Want to get going?"

"Uhm, I actually had to drop something off for Kyle" -- he looked at you, struggling to suppress a smug smile as you rolled your eyes -- "but I don't know if he's gonna show up. Whatever, he'll stop by my place later if he really needs it."

Your heart drops at the lost opportunity of getting to see Kyle, even though you know you'd probably be too nervous to do anything right anyways. Interactions between you two... well, they never quite go as planned.

You walk down the street with Wendy and Stan, and they surprisingly try to engage you in conversations, but you aren't really into it. You apologize, not wanting to dampen the mood, but they insist you couldn't. "Honestly, (Y/n), you worry too much. I promise, you're not being a burden." Wendy, knowing your anxieties since the birth of your friendship, reassures you and pats you on the shoulder. You look down and smile. "Thanks, Wendy."

Suddenly, you hear the slap of sneakers on the cracked concrete sidewalk and a familiar voice exclaiming, "Stan! Dude, wait up!" All the heat in your body instantly rushes to your face, knowing exactly who is behind you. "Kyle! My man!" Stan stops and turns to yell at his best friend, and Wendy wiggles her eyebrows at you. A mixture of dread and excitement rises in your gut as you turn around.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry last chapter was short. I'm writing two chapters in one day, so these might be shorter while other ones might be longer. Or maybe not, I don't know. Fuck off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest readers, you shall soon learn that this "(Y/n)" character can be a bit of a tsundere, and the breaking of the fourth wall is probably your inner conscience both invoking anxiety within you and generating your very own insults that, unfortunately, only inflict damage upon the user. But how should I know.

You generally trusted Wendy and Stan. They were both good people, and you had known them since you moved to this town in fourth grade. However, you knew the moment you told them a year ago about your teeny-tiny, eensy-weensy, miniscule little crush on Kyle that you really shouldn't have. I mean, you REALLY shouldn't have, because now they both elbow you every time you two are within a three kilometer radius of each other, and make suggestive comments under their breath. You seriously hate them.

So, as Kyle catches up with your trio, you are fully expecting the weird look Kyle gives the couple as they simultaneously nudge you. Your face instantly turns even redder, if that was even possible. If not, well. Use your imagination.

"Hey, guys," he flashes that cute grin of his, "Mind if I walk with you?"

"Not at all, dude," Stan says, and gives Kyle a light punch on the arm. Suddenly, you see a mischievious, dark look fall across his features as he wraps his arm around Wendy. "In fact, we were all just heading over to (Y/n)'s house. Wanna come?"

"Uhm, we were? I don't remember that," you glare at him intensely and he stares right back with his shitty face. "My parents aren't even home for the week, and I'm not supposed to have too many people over," you lie. Your parents have actually _encouraged_ you to throw crazy house parties while they're away. Yeah, they're fucking insane.

"Well, even better. They don't have to know, and we won't stay over too long. Come on, it'll be fun!"

"Fine, whatever. Let's go." To make things worse, Stan decides to pick now of all times to follow the status quo and ignore you while chatting with Wendy. Meaning... you only had Kyle to talk to, which is confusingly both good and bad.

"S-so, what's up, Kyle? Haven't really seen you since this summer."

"Oh, not much. I'm doing really well in basketball this year, though. Otherwise, it's just the usual. How about you?"

As the conversation went on, your nerves dropped considerably, and before you knew it, you had reached your front door. You circle around the couple ahead of you in order to unlock the door, and hold it open for the gang to pass through. "Welcome to my house, the most humble of all abodes." _Well, might as well use this example to see whether Bebe's correct, as per usual._ You glanced down and blushed. _Yep, Kyle's ass is looking fine as fuck today. Thanks, Bebe._

"I guess we can all study for the chem test next week, I'll order some pizza, and we'll leave you alone, (Y/n)." Stan, knowing the place like the back of his hand after coming here with Wendy so many times, shows Kyle, who is less familiar with the layout, to the kitchen. 

"U-uhm, it's not a problem if you stay longer, now that you're here. I mean, I don't want to make it seem like I'm kicking you guys out or anything." You half-shout to the other room.

"Great! We'll just make ourselves at home, then." Stan yells back from the kitchen.

You groan and look over at Wendy. "God, why did I say that?"

"Haha, you're doing great, (Y/n). I'll make sure to keep an eye out for you." She hugs you tight, then pushes you into the kitchen.

"Well, Wendy, you were about to earn some sweet 'best friend points,' but then you just _had_ to push me into the kitchen. Thanks a lot."

"Anytime. Now, shall we get to studying?"

"Studying what, Jennifer Lawrence's amazing collection of pets at age 14?" Kyle remarks, and everyone at the table laughs. ((Y/n), I think you laughed a little too much. Tone it down.)

For the next two hours, you all cracked open your chem textbooks and pretended to study while really just chatting and making lame jokes. Stan proposed to order pizza, watch a movie, and give the "studying" a rest.

You all decide to watch _Seven_. You and Wendy aren't crazy about "scary" movies, but Stan and Kyle insist that it really isn't that scary, and that you should just give it a try. You ask Wendy to set it up while you clean up the kitchen, and when you return to the living room, you notice that Wendy and Stan are sprawled out all over the couch, and Kyle is sitting on the floor, kinda looking pissed. "Seriously, you guys? You can't leave any room for Kyle or me?" Stan smirks at you. "Huh. Didn't even notice. I guess not, sorry (Y/n)."

You sigh and sit down next to Kyle. "They suck," you mutter, and he barely holds back a laugh while nodding. You shut off the lights and start the movie. Kyle and Stan are right, it really isn't scary. The only thing that could even be considered remotely scary are the death scenes, and even those weren't bad. Throughout the first half of the movie, Wendy gasps at the gore of some parts, Stan pokes fun at her while trying to move closer (Ew. Seriously, stop it, Stan.), and you and Kyle chat over the entire movie, sometimes arguing over whether a scene was realistic or not, sometimes making jokes at how over-the-top serious it can be, and just talking random shit. 

You hit a tense part in the movie, and Wendy almost screams, terrified when the doorbell suddenly rings, signifying the pizza arrival. You giggle at her and she pokes her tongue at you as you stand up to retrieve the most sacred of all Italian dishes. She quickly snatches up a piece of it, announces that she simply cannot watch another minute of this movie, and heads onto your back porch, Stan trailing after her. _They're so dumb... wait. Waitwaitwaitnooooooo I don't want to be alone with him again, fuck, think of something smart to say, (Y/n)!! Wait shit where is he--_

"Do you mind showing me around your house, (Y/n)?" He says, towering behind you, close enough that if you took a step backwards, you'd bump right into his broad shoulders.

"Fucking shit, don't do that to me, Kyle!" You say, startled, as you pivot to face him. "I mean, my nerves are just a little on edge after watching a movie like that!" That's only half of a lie. Yeah, you're startled, but not because of the movie; it's because he's so close.

"Oh, haha, sorry (Y/n)! I thought you knew I was behind you!" _Fuck, there's that smile again. Stop being so cute, you monster._

"Umm, well, yeah, I can show you around the house. It's not giant or extravagant or anything, but it's... it's a house."

"Don't worry about it, (Y/n)," he reassured you as you led him down the hallway. "You know, I've only been over here once or twice before, and it was brief. It was mostly in fourth grade, when you had just moved to South Park."

"Fourth grade! Man, those were the _days._ There was always something going on, especially with you, Stan, Kenny, and that fatass. When have you been in my house before, by the way? Oh, and here's my parents' room. Kinda boring."

"Let's see... I remember the first time I came over here was for a school project. It was that one on debating terrorism, remember? Garrison really assigned some heavy topics back then. Now look at us, in high school, studying _Jennifer fucking Lawrence_. I will never understand that man. Er - well - I don't even know how I should refer to him at this point. I respect transgender folks, but honestly, he's just hard to keep up with."

"Yeah, man, of course. I understand - here's my older sister's room, she's in college right now - and it didn't really sound like you associated being trans with being confusing. That's just how Mr. Garrison is. I appreciate you being respectful, though. That's pretty cool of you." (If you can't tell yet, dear readers, I am a bit of a social justice warrior. If you don't want to hear more of my rants... Well, too bad.)

"Thanks, I try. And I think the other time I came over here was when Stan was still trying to recruit girls into hanging out in the treehouse. That was a weird time, man, I still don't even know what that shit was all about. And he kept doing it, even though it always ended up badly! Dude, apparently Wendy dared him to shove a stick up his dickhole. Ah, true love."

"Oh my god, seriously? My love and respect for her continues to grow limitlessly. Anyways, this is my room."

"Look at all these posters! Oh my god, you listen to LCD Soundsystem, too?"

"Yeah, man! Finally, someone who understands my taste in music!"

Kyle examines the rest of your posters and you two talk about music for quite a while, not noticing the time passing by. Suddenly, you realize: "Wait, where are Stan and Wendy?"

"Oh, shit. I kinda forgot about them." The two of you head to the back porch, and neither of them are there, but you noticed that they had managed to retrieve their backpacks and coats, so you assume they weren't stabbed by a homicidal maniac living underneath your porch. _Those sly little fucks. They probably snuck out on purpose to leave me alone with Kyle. Well. I'm not complaining._

"Fuck, (Y/n), I just realized, I have a basketball game tomorrow, I gotta get going soon. It was really sweet hanging out with you, though, it's been a while. We should talk again soon."

"Oh, okay!" You walk him to the front door, disappointed the night is drawing to a close. "Yeah, just give me a ring, and hopefully I'll see you soon! Good night!"

"'Night!" He smiles at you, standing and staring for just a half a beat too long, just enough to make you paranoid. _Fuck you, Kyle._ And then he just turns and leaves. You shut the door and head to your room.

You stare up at the ceiling from your warm bed, lights off, the room drenched in darkness. Tonight went good. Great. Better than you could've asked for. In fact, you feel as if you should be thanking some universal being for tonight. _...Nah, that's too much._ But somehow, you can't help but feel... unsettled. You were almost expecting something more. You knew you shouldn't, but you simply couldn't help it. There were so many opportunities to extend tonight. _"Hey, Kyle, we didn't finish that movie. Do you want to watch the rest of it with me?" "Kyle, I know you have a basketball game tomorrow, wouldn't it be easier to just stay the night over here? It's already pretty dark out." "Kyle, can I have a goodnight kiss--"_ Hey. Too far, (Y/n). Have some restraint.

You roll over in your bed and finally fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert horrible cut of Biggie Shorty dancing*
> 
> You guys!! Bebe is the one with REAL psychic powers! She should become a world-class detective, no?


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, quick author's note that I need to write because SOMEONE that I know in real life got a hold of my account. Most of you can just disregard this chapter, there will be more soon. I already have half of the next chapter written.

Anyways, for those of you who ARE, indeed, reading this, this work is not a reflection of me personally. My Honors English classes deprive me of creative writing, so sometimes this is the only place I can come to for creative release in terms of 'literature.' If you could call it that. I simply enjoy humor, writing, PRIVACY, and spreading my ideas with others online. I do not actually have a strange crush on a fictional aged-up character on South Park, but it's always fun to explore character development, and experiment with how you think certain characters would interact. So, yeah, it's extremely cheesy. But fuck off if you don't want to read this shit. ESPECIALLY YOU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 

Thank you.


	4. Chapter 4

That weekend is boring and uneventful. You mostly stay in bed and contemplate (a) Kyle, the man of your dreams, and (b) pie. You keep checking your phone for any texts or calls from Kyle, but are left unsatisfied. _He probably doesn't have enough time with the basketball game, and all. He wouldn't forget. I'll see him soon._

You think back to when you first moved to South Park.

_Ah, you were so young, so innocent. You were still quite a shy kid, and were scared of moving to a neighborhood with entirely new people. You had heard from students at your old school that the kids of South Park were fierce, unaccepting, and bigoted. You begged your parents not to drag you to this town, but they insisted that it would be good to move out of the bustling city, and wanted to push you into being more social at your new school. It... kinda worked._

_Anyways, Wendy was the first person to talk to you. You were thankful that she was patient and attempted to help bring you out of your shell. She introduced you to some of the other female students, Bebe, Nichole, Heidi, and Jessie being some of your closer friends. However, no matter how much Wendy tried to convince you otherwise, you simply insisted on believing that the boys would hate you and do horrible things to you, based on the gossiping you had heard about South Park. One day, at lunch, Wendy got particularly frustrated that you wouldn't give any of them a chance. "Look, only Cartman is like that, and none of us talk to him anyways. Honestly, he probably hasn't even noticed that you_ exist _yet. Please, just come and meet my boyfriend, Stan. Shouldn't you want to meet your best friend's boyfriend?"_

_"Of course I want to support you, Wendy, but I'm just scared that they'll all bully me..." You looked at the ground, shy. Wow, woman up, (Y/n). Jesus._

_"Look, I'll introduce you to a kid who couldn't hurt a fly if he_ wanted _to. You'll see." She drags you over to the swingset, where you see a blond boy in teal with a worried look plastered on his face standing. "Hi Butters, this is (Y/n). I'm trying to introduce her to some of the male students at South Park."_

 _"W-well hi, (Y/n)! It's nice to meet you--!" He leaned his hand up against the swingset and gasped, pulling his arm back and examining it. "Ewww, it was all_ sticky. _Well, I-I guess I'll see you later, (Y/n)! Now how am I gonna wash this off? I don't want my parents to beat me up again..." he muttered._

_"Is he alright?"_

_"Yeah, he's usually like that."_

_"No, I mean, like, is he abused or something? I feel bad..."_

_"Oh. Right. I don't know. Anyways, let me introduce you to Stan now!" The two of you headed over to the tetherball set, where a boy in a red and blue hat played with a boy in a green hat. "STAAAN! Come say hi to the new kid!"_ Oh, god. _The two boys walk over to introduce themselves and the boy with the puffball hat, apparently Stan, kinda looks weirded out. "Um, hey."_

 _You could practically see the hearts in Wendy's eyes when talking to Stan. "Stan! I just wanted to introduce (Y/n) to my_ boyfriend. _"_

_"H-hi. I'm sure you already know, but I'm (Y/n). Nice to m-meet you."_

_"Oh, hey. I'm Stan. Nice to meet you, too." Honestly, he looks kinda bored, and fumbles in place while looking back at the tetherball set._ Well, I should probably leave them alon-- __

_"Hi, (Y/n). I'm Kyle. It's nice to finally meet you formally. I hope Stan and I can get to know you over the years." You blushed as you got a good look at him for the first time. "Y-yeah! Me too!"_

You awoke from your daydreams about Kyle to your phone's vibration. _Godammit. That was a good memory._ You rolled over on your bed to see a text from "***Future Husbando  <3***". You squealed and quickly opened the message. It read, "Hey (Y/n)! It's Kyle, I meant to text you earlier this weekend but got caught up with basketball and chem 'studying' lmao. I was wondering if you'd want to go see the new Terrance and Phillip movie with me tonight? Sorry for such late notice"

You gasped and jumped out of bed, accidentally kicking over 20 of your 'Sonic ze Hedgehog' figurines. "Well thank god the important ones are okay." You quickly got dressed while texting Kyle. "(*бωб) well of course ill go my honey!!!!(๑♡3♡๑)" You look at the message again before sending it, and decide to write a more modest one. "Sure, looking forward to it! Where do you want to meet up?" He responds quickly with a text that says "Meet @ my house in 10". You smile and decide to walk over, skipping while humming your favorite song to yourself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, sorry it's been a while! I'm in the middle of moving, so I've been a bit busy. Also, I live under a clinically insane guy, so that's fun. Anyways, enjoy this chapter and look forward to more updates! They're coming! Even if it means I have to kill someone!

You were standing on Kyle's doorstep, hesitating to knock because of your nerves. You shuffled your feet and looked at the cold concrete underneath them. _This is your one and only chance, (y/n). Don't waste it._ You take a deep breath and look back up at the large, polished oak door looming over you. You finally knock awkwardly on the door, the first, a weak, whispered tap, the next two, harsh raps that seemed achingly loud. 

The door immediately opens, revealing a kid around 10 or 11 years old who is clearly Canadian. He has light facial hair, acne, and an expression that makes you think he's judging you severely. _He... looks weirdly like a grumpy teenager...?_ "Oh, um, hi, I'm (y/n)--"

"Yeah. I know who you are." He narrows his eyes at you, which is strange coming from someone who is easily half your size. 

"Umm... okay? I-is Kyle--"

The kid turns around and yells up the stairs. "BRO! YOUR LITTLE FUCK BUDDY'S HERE!" You can feel a burning blush start to press itself on the inside of your cheeks, and hear Kyle yell down the stairs, "SHUT UP IKE! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" 

The boy whose apparent name was Ike just looked you up and down, smirked, and muttered, "Yeah, right. I bet he just wants to tame your strange." _God, kid, I hope you're right._ But, I mean, _ew._ Did a ten year old kid seriously just talk about his older brother having sex with you? What kind of kid does that? 

The male variety, apparently. You suddenly remembered the boys' shenanigans when you were that young. If Ike is anything like Kenny used to be, then this is mild.

You hear Kyle's footsteps coming quickly down the staircase.

"Hey (y/n). Sorry to be rude, but let's get out of here before he says anything else weird." Upon addressing you under his breath, he grabs your hand and leads you through the front door. A blush spreads across your face like wildfire as you stare down at your intertwined hands. 

As you and Kyle descend onto the sidewalk in front of his house, he looks over and notices your reddened face. "Oh, (y/n), are you all right? I hope Ike wasn't making you too uncomfortable."

"Oh, uh, n-nope, it's fine! Just a bit chilly outside, is all. Haha." _GOD WHY THE FUCK AM I SO AWKWARD?? IT'S NOT COLD OUTSIDE AT ALL! Well, for Colorado, I guess._

"Oh! Of course. Here, let me just--" He shrugs off his coat and holds it out for you.

"Woah, Kyle, y-you seriously don't have to do that. I should've just remembered to grab something on the way out, I'll be fine, I--" 

"(Y/n). Put it on. I don't mind."

"But--"

"No arguments!" He says cheerfully as he puts the coat around your shoulders. "Anyways, I have a sweater under this, so it's super okay."

You kinda just stare at him blankly for a couple of seconds (haha, you're such a nerd) and he glances over at the sudden silence. "Uh... Everything alright, (y/n)?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah. I'm just surprised at what a gentleman you are. Well, actually, I'm not really surprised, but it was just sort of sudden. Nobody's ever really done something like that for me before." You glanced down and smiled, then turned back to his seemingly shocked face. "Thanks!"

"Uh. No problem. I -- really -- uh, I'd do it for anyone, it's just the way I was raised, haha. Um, no one's done that before? For you? Really?" Ah, the sweet taste of revenge for finally making him stutter and blush in return was evident on your tongue. You're not the only complete dork here, (y/n).

"Haha, nope! I guess I just need to hang out with more gentlemen like you, huh?" You elbowed him and grinned. "But where does one find such otherworldly beings in a place like South Park?" You faked a sigh, knowing fully well you weren't actively seeking out other 'gentlemen.'

"Uh -- well -- Wendy seems pretty polite?" 

You stopped in your tracks, looked at him for a few seconds... and completely lost it. 

"Oh my god, that is the dumbest thing I have ever said." He giggled a bit with you.

"No, Kyle, you don't understand, it's not dumb, because _it's completely true!_ Oh, that is genius!" Tears were rolling down you cheeks by now. "Ah, but she's not exactly single is she? How unfortunate for her best friend. Little did she know that the only gentleman she needed was right in front of her eyes the entire time! Haha!" You shed the last of your giggles and looked back up at him. "Thanks, Kyle, I really needed that."

"Ha... Anytime."

You two had finally arrived at the theatre downtown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ike goes through puberty again?? *le gasp*
> 
> Oh, and actually I'm half tempted to switch this up and make it into a Wendy x reader fic with some Kyle x Stan. But fine! I promised you a Kyle x reader fic, and I shall provide! But I'll do so bitterly, with passive aggressive mentions of what could've been between you and Wendy.


	6. IT'S THE END MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *climbs out of hell*  
> "I... I finally got it!! The new chapter!"  
> *Satan drags me back in*  
> *screaming ensues*
> 
> We cut to you stuffing your face with popcorn.

When Kyle invited you to go on a movie... _date,_ well, you weren't exactly expecting this. I mean, it's all good. You're fine. But you were kind of expecting a romantic movie, maybe a little comedy, normal stuff like that, right?

Ha. Hahaha. You seriously thought that Kyle would be interested in that, (y/n)? Nah. You watch a horror remake of _Asses of Fire_. Who thinks of these things?

You thought that after watching _Seven_ with the gang, you would be immune to horror from now on, but apparently Terrence and Phillip scare the shit out of you, because in no time, you're clinging to Kyle's arm in fear. He gives you sideways glances every now and then, as if to say, 'What the literal fuck, (y/n), you just jumped at a fart joke.' And, really, that's a fair point, Kyle. But you swear that the duo hires personal demons for each of their assholes.

You only realize that you're practically crawling on top of Kyle when the credits roll and the lights turn up. Whoops, that's a little embarassing. You turn to your date (yep, that's what we're calling it now) and see that he has a crimson tint and a terribly concealed smile. When you quickly break away and dust yourself off, he bursts into laughter that ceases to stop for about two full minutes. You just roll your eyes and lightly punch him, muttering, "It's not that funny..." 

"Yeah, it kind of is, (y/n). Oh my God, I wish you could've seen the look on your face!" He wipes the tears from his eyes. "Straight comedy gold, right there. Alright, shall we get going?"

"Y-yeah, I guess so." You're kind of embarassed by the whole thing. I mean, who wouldn't be? Your crush just laughed at you for a solid few minutes. To make things worse, when you get embarrassed, you get painfully silent.

Kyle notices this quickly and decides to pull you to the side to speak up about it. "Hey, you know I'm not making fun of you, right? I honestly thought it was kind of cute."

"Wha--" You look up into his emerald eyes. "R-really?"

"Uhm, well, yeah..." He sheepishly looks to the side, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, (y/n), that's kind of the reason I asked you to come with me. I think you're really cute - not just the way you look, but your giggles, the passionate way you talk, your blush, the way you look at me... I could go on. Look, I planned this out a lot differently, but the point is... I really like you."

You stare up at him in awe, eyes wide with wonder. You had dreamt of this moment countless times, yet you never could've imagined that it would feel this... magical. Your heart pounds at your ribcage, struggling to escape its imprisonment. You feel heat rushing to your cheeks and stinging liquid begins to rise in your eyes. Tears finally break through, streaming down your cheeks, and you bow your head as you allow the blinding grin to show on your face.

Kyle - concerned and oblivious, as he is unable to see the joy written on your face - jumps a little when he hears your choked sob, and ventures closer to your figure. "Oh, shit - hey, look, I didn't mean to - err, well, I understand if - you--" He is promptly interrupted by your arms shooting out to encompass him and pull him into a hug, burying your head in his sweater. He hesitates for a second, only to hug you tighter.

"I love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and then y'all fuck. Yessiree, right there in the movie theater. "You feel comforted by the grungy floor beneath you as you rub popcorn grease into your lover's hair. You pay no attention to the onlookers adorned with 3-D glasses, distracted by the way he makes you feel even stickier than what is accomplished by spending two hours in a movie theater."
> 
> ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆HAPPILY EVER AFTER｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆
> 
> P. S. Please send requests, I would love to do oneshots... no guarantee that I'll actually do it but I'll try


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